Collected Gems – 1


“I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and
pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”


“I feel just like a newborn baby.”


“Really!? Like a new-born baby!?”


“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
A Russian magazine is running a contest for the
funniest Putin joke. First prize is twenty years.


Her doctor told my neighbor’s wife she could no
longer touch anything alcoholic. So she divorced
him.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework
done.  
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or
leave it.”
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